My Heart and Other Black Holes
Author: Jasmine Warga
Publisher: HarperCollins/Balzer + Bray
Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind h
er back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.
There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution: a teen boy with the username FrozenRobot (aka Roman) who’s haunted by a family tragedy is looking for a partner.
Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together. Except that Roman may not be so easy to convince.
I don’t usually read stories like this. Depressing. Suicidal. Sadness stories. But I did read this one. Beautiful, Eye-Opening, Jaw-Dropping. This book amazed me in so many way. It was a beautiful book with so many beautiful characters in it. Even though this book did have the serious topics of depression and suicide there was so much humor in this book that it didn’t really seem like a sad sort of book. Throughout each scene in this book I was practically tearing up. I loved how much the characters had grown throughout the book, it was just an amazing book in general. Now I’m going to stop right here with non-spoilery section of my review because beyond this paragraph will all be spoilery details. SO just so you know this book was absolutely incredible and I now that you all will probably love it as much as I did.
Starting off with Aysel. By the first page we know that this girl is very sad. We know that this sadness was caused by the murder that her father committed. She was very close to him. And because of that her ;life got particularly ruined, because she never had thought that he would do something like this. And ever since he committed this crime she feel like she is going to do the exact same things. She feels that one day she is going to hurt someone because she is like this man. Had this feeling that she will probably hurt someone makes her feel like she’s is a danger to everyone around her and the best way to solve this problem would be to kill herself, so that he would have to hurt anyone. Now we know that this is the main source of all that sadness that is seeping through her but the people surround her knowns that she has been though this traumatizing experience and they’re not doing anything about it. There aren’t asking her if she’s okay, or she wants if talk, if she needs anything. Nothing. And this is just adding onto the sadness because now she feels less than a normal human being. Her friends turned on her even though she wasn’t the source of this problem. Kids are making fun of her at school because of her father. This is all happening because they think that she is going to end up like her dad.
Now at first I thought that her mother was just like those kids. She is is afraid of her own daughter because she thinks that she is going to end up like her father when that really isn’t the case. Her mother was afraid that she would say something wrong, but she should’ve realized that her own daughter was depressed. They first of all didn’t have a close relationship throughout the entire book but it would’ve helped if her mother did try to reach out her at some point, or if she could have invited her to join things more often. In fact Aysel thinks that nobody really cares about her. So in fact she thinks that would make it easier to kill herself. But that scene where her sister tries to talk to her that is the scene that you know that her family genuinely does care about her, because right after she has that talk with her sister she sees her mother making pancakes and her brother telling the mother to add roe chocolate nt her pancakes because that is hat make her happy. Going to her brother. he was the sweetest thing ever. He was the one with the strongest relationship even though Aysel tried pushing him away. even though she could maybe confide to him I wouldn’t imagine confiding in a younger sibling, and this younger sibling was the one she was most connected to so she was a bit iffy about that.
Roman was the exact same thing, except he felt guilt instead of someone else’s. The way he said that is was his own fault that his sister died really brought me close to tearing up because it wasn’t his fault sure he could’ve been more careful with the situation but that doesn’t mean that it was his own fault. But what made this book special is the way that these two characters just join together and talked about their problems really made them forget everything what was going around them and that made them not want to kill themselves because they were getting closer and closer together. Sure that pact was that they would kill each other on the same date together without being alone to do so, but this relationship that they had because of this pack just made them forget and that is the real meaning behind this. If you have people to surround yourself with that are good for you, to help you, then you’ll overcome your problems and that is what these two characters did.They had a conversation first on how they were exactly going to do this but this lead on to talking about their feelings and how they felt and this helped them overcome the sensation they had of suicide especially Aysel.
It was kind of hard to crack Roman sure he still talked but he still wanted to go on with this pact. At the end of the book he did try but he tried without Aysel because he didn’t want to hurt her so he decided to hurt him himself. When that scene happen I was bawling inside because we had so many unanswered questions. Was he going to be okay? Was he going to die? What would happen to her if he did? Was she going to do the exact same thing? But thankfully at the end we found out that he just landed himself in the hospital and that is when he realized that he shouldn’t have done this thing because he had her and his family and all the other people that cared for him. He had college and basketball and all these things that he could’ve missed out on if he died.
Even though the story was mainly about this there was still some humor behind the story. The carnival and the camping trip just made this contemporary more contemporary. In it was also the lovely romance between our two characters which we also loved very much. The only thing that I wish they did have in this book was a conversation between her dad and herself.I feel like that scene would really make the book amazing even though it was absolutely amazing. I wanted to see her mend the relationship between her and her father. wanted to read that she forgave him and that he still loved her. Okay so if you did make it to this point please tell me what you felt about this book. I love this book in general and I hope you did as well.
“Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood.”
― Jasmine Warga, My Heart and Other Black Holes
“I once read in my physics book that the universe begs to be observed, that energy travels and transfers when people pay attention. Maybe that’s what love really boils down to–having someone who cares enough to pay attention so that you’re encouraged to travel and transfer, to make your potential energy spark into kinetic energy.”
― Jasmine Warga, My Heart and Other Black Holes